if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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