jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
