If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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