Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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