Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
