The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
