She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize