I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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