Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
