Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
