at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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