thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
