ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Liz is crying about burritos again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
