I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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