I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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