I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
