I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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