If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
