I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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