I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
