I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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