She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
