You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
