why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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