I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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