This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
