is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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