he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
