Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
