i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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