Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
