I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
