Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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