Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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