I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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