My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
