Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
