She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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