At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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