It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My vagina just clenched in fear
Will exercising make me less horny?
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