dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
