Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
