they need to just BURY HIM!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
