Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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