So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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