Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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