I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
