toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We named our party play list daddy issues
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
