Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
