dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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