i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't turn off my feet"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
