this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
