i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
