Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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