My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you traded sex for a burrito?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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