theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
