Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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