I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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