I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
