is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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