atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
