Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
