Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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