Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
