Quick, to the slutcave!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
