I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
