i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
