Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
