It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
