Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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