That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
